


That Good Man Is Gone

by HilsonMarveyTibbs



Category: The Following
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Coda, Episode Tag, Episode: s02e13 The Reaping, Gen, Grieving, Guilt, The Reaping, Transformation, breaking Mike again and again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-15
Updated: 2014-04-15
Packaged: 2018-01-19 11:13:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1467421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HilsonMarveyTibbs/pseuds/HilsonMarveyTibbs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“This isn’t you. This is me. Don’t be me, Mike.”</p><p>All Mike had ever wanted to be was Ryan, and here he was, given Hardy-approved instructions on how to do so, but being told not to. It was too late, though, and really, what reason did he have to be Mike Weston anymore?</p><p>(Spoilers for 2.13 The Reaping)</p>
            </blockquote>





	That Good Man Is Gone

**Author's Note:**

> This is unbeta-ed and was written within minutes of watching the episode, so it's not very plot-heavy or maybe articulate.

Before he even went into the FBI, all Mike had wanted to be was like Ryan Hardy. He dreamt of someday being as intelligent, courageous, and cunning as the great Ryan Hardy; the agent who caught Joe Carroll. He had all but memorized Ryan’s novel in his pursuit of some insight, some glimpse of what it was that made the man the way he was.

He made significant progress in his journey to becoming Ryan Hardy during the time Carroll was presumed dead. He drank heavily; he rebuffed any attempts by his loved ones to help him; he allowed his guilt to take up residence inside him, helping it grow and evolve over time. His transformation was close to perfect.

That is, until Ryan Hardy sauntered back into his life, Joe Carroll creeping behind him; an unwanted, shadow-like presence. Wherever Ryan went, a whiff, a whisper of Joe was left behind; tainting everything Ryan came into contact with.

Before he knew it, he was slipping up. He found himself going through the motions of Mike Weston; playing the moral conscience and grounding Ryan. Eventually he let Max take up the ethical, moral voice in their group. He was left a strange hybrid between Ryan Hardy and Mike Weston; he was both again. His metamorphosis was regressing.

When his father was murdered, the Ryan Hardy side of Mike took over. It overrode the Weston side, giving it time to heal and grieve in unrecognized silence. Ryan’s personality came all too easily. Almost immediately he was instinctually denying his pain, closing off his mind to anything but the job, but revenge. He let thoughts of revenge flood his brain, consume his every waking thought.

The only thing keeping Mike from completely becoming Ryan was Max. She checked up on him regularly, and she had enough experience to recognize and call out all the bullshit he sent her way. She didn’t take no for an answer and would force in depth responses out of him no matter how strongly he protested. She coaxed the true Mike Weston back to the forefront, just for brief moments, but enough to keep it alive.

The day he killed Lily Gray, Mike fully became Ryan Hardy.

Ryan said so himself.

_“This isn’t you. This is me. Don’t be me, Mike.”_

All Mike had ever wanted to be was Ryan, and here he was, given Hardy-approved instructions on how to do so, but being told not to. It was too late, though, and really, what reason did he have to be Mike Weston anymore?

What had started out as hero worship and admiration had become an escape. Mike Weston had just watched his father being murdered. Ryan had not. Mike Weston had one real loved one left. Ryan had more.

Mike wanted, needed to be Ryan more than he wanted to be himself.

Revenge had always been the one aspect of Ryan’s that Mike hadn’t been able to understand. It was the purest, strongest emotion Hardy felt, and no matter how angry Mike was at Parker’s murder, he hadn’t felt the all-consuming bloodlust that Ryan felt for Joe Carroll.

Staring down into Lily Gray’s eyes as she knelt, defenseless before him, Mike understood. Adrenaline exploded inside of him, lighting up every neuron in his body. His index finger twitched on the trigger, beckoning him. His eyes stung as images of his father’s dead eyes, his father’s blood, and his father’s exposed throat, flooded, unbidden, back to him.

His body wasn’t used to the overwhelming emotion he was experiencing and he felt a tear, two tears fall onto his cheek. He paid them no heed, too focused on the woman, the _monster_ in front of him.

When Ryan called him a good man, he felt like laughing.

The “good man” Ryan was referring to had long gone.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are love and I think we all could use some after tonight's episode.


End file.
